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You know, they say Christmas is a time for giving, at least that's what the good book says, and at our house every Christmas eve my son and daughter and their families drive down from the big city for an old-fashioned family holiday.
Ma dresses the house up like a Christmas card, you can hear her in the kitchen singing while she's baking cookies for the children.
She spends hours wrapping the presents she's been buying since last August and hangs all the stockings all over the fireplace.
In the morning of, I cut me down the prettiest darn Christmas tree you ever saw in your life.
This year we really outdid ourselves, you know.
Ma and I are getting on in our years so we decided to give the kids tax-free cash gifts of $10.000 apiece (Woof Woof)
I reckon it was around noon (Woof Woof), I heard the dogs barking (Come Rags!, Come Guzzler!") and there was Jim the mailman in his old Santa cap, coming up the walk teasing the dogs as usual and holding a package.
Well he handed it over to me and says "Pappy, looks like you got an overnite package from your daughter".
I went back in the kitchen and Ma tore it open and to both our horror we unwrapped a fruitcake with a note that read…
"Aloha Ma & Dad, at the last minute we got a cheap fare on the internet and went to Hawaii. Hold onto our gifts until after the first of the year. Love, Princess."
Well, Ma's heart was broken and I felt a lump in my throat as I thought to myself…
(You ain't getting shit for Christmas) Princess, you ain't getting shit for Christmas
(You can shove that fruitcake up your ass) You can stick that fruitcake up your ass
(Well you ain't getting shit) No fricking shit
No you ain't getting dick
You ain't getting shit for Christmas
You know, Ma hasn't had a drink in 20 years and I've been off the sauce myself for a while and heck, if there was ever an excuse to start drinking again. (Dring)
Who in tarnation could that be, Junior and his family?
It was some delivery fella standing there holding what looked like a fruitcake tin with a card attached.
"Pop, the company's condo is free this week and you know how much Pumpkin and I love Hilton head. Please forward our gifts to this address."
Hey Ma, save some for me. Well, Ma took a conniption and things turned ugly. She started breaking things and hurled the turkey and those two fruitcakes right through the front window, the whole time she was yelling…
(You ain't getting shit for Christmas) I tell you, you ain't getting shit for Christmas
(You can shove that fruitcake up your ass) You can shove that fruitcake up your ass
(Well you ain't getting shit)
(No you ain't getting dick)
(You ain't getting shit for Christmas) You ain't getting shit
(Ad lib.)
Transcripteur : mds75
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